Coronavirus unable to infect bus and train passengers, says government

A government study has confirmed that the novel Coronavirus (COVID-19) is highly infectious in crowded places, but is unable to transmit from person to person on public transport.

“Public transport may be the one crowded place that workers will enter during a normal day,” said the Prime Minister, Scott Morrison. “But, in light of the experts’ advice, we will not consider packed buses and trains as a risk to public health.”

“In all other places, you must maintain social distancing and not leave your home. Armed police will continue to patrol beaches and peer into people’s backyards, for your protection.”

Transport minister Andrew Constance said that in the unlikely event of human-to-human transmission on public transport, the risk of contracting the virus is “non-existent” on Sydney’s new light rail.

“No one takes the tram anyway,” Mr Constance said. “You could go licking the handrails and you wouldn’t catch a cold.”

What are the rules now?

The rules are simple and very easy to remember.

You may have no more than 2 people in a group, unless you are with members of your household or in a government-approved area. The size of the group can be increased by 3 people per 60 seconds of hand washing conducted no more than half an hour prior to forming the group, as long as the soap used is mildly scented and paper hand towels were used. However, if the group moves within 100 metres of a park then half of the group must immediately disband, unless the park has at least 80% grass coverage or has public barbecues switched off. All of the conditions apply on days below 25 degrees Celsius, if the temperature is above 25 degrees and there is a new moon then group sizes must be reduced by the number of disinfectant wipes available at the nearest supermarket, divided by the number of trolleys to the power of days spent in quarantine. No eye contact is allowed within 50 km of a licenced premises and loud coughing is mandatory if travelling by train.

Fines of up to $1 million apply for failing to comply with these simple rules, and paying the fine with cash will result in a 6 year prison sentence.

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