Labor MP declares war on train upgrades

Blue Mountains MP Trish Doyle has again denounced government spending in the Blue Mountains, and claimed that Koreans are the worst humans on Earth except for Liberals.

Ms Doyle, the ‘Countess of the Mountains’ who randomly appears in photographs across the electorate, was recently interviewed on ABC Radio to criticise the NSW Government’s rail infrastructure spending. Approximately $75 million has been allocated to upgrades of the Blue Mountains Line to accommodate a new intercity train fleet. Rolling stock will be manufactured in Korea and assembled in Australia.

“My union handler said the new trains are going to be rubbish,” Ms Doyle said before the show to an unnamed producer. “He doesn’t like foreigners, he calls them by much more colourful names which I won’t repeat on-the-record. So, the plan today is to ramble a bit at the start of the interview, then hopefully answer some easy Dixers. And maybe thrown in something about how Asians are destroying Australia.”

Senior ABC producers in the studio nodded in approval.

Questioned about her opposition to funding works on the Blue Mountains Line, Ms Doyle opened the interview by stitching together a few loosely-related talking points before making allegations about the Transport Minister, Andrew Constance. “Andrew Constance forgot his tape measure,” Ms Doyle told ABC host Josh Szeps, as ABC editorial staff quietly cheered “hah got him!”

As the interviewed continued, Ms Doyle highlighted the “beautiful old leather seats” which the new trains will shun. Keen listeners were quick to call in asking which type of plastic cow produced the ‘leather’ for the V set seats.

Ms Doyle then proceeded down her script and revealed that a local satire newspaper, the Blue Mountains Gazette, had investigated some American trains to prove that the Korean trains in Australia will be unsafe. “Our Gazette looked into the safety record of these trains,” Ms Doyle told the ABC, and then said something about Pennsylvania and their trains.

The Mountain Babbler attempted to contact the Blue Mountains Gazette regarding their involvement in Ms Doyle’s partisan investigations. However, the Blue Mountains Gazette requested that all media enquiries be forwarded to NSW Labor headquarters.

2 Replies to “Labor MP declares war on train upgrades”

  1. Well done! It’s great to have a serious media news provider in the Mountains! There is only so much satire (and ads) in the Gazette that we can put up with!

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