Month: August 2018

Liberals looking forward to next week’s spill

After a tumultuous week in Canberra, Liberal party members emerged from the party room relieved that the leadership battle has concluded. And, with the successful conclusion of the first instalment, their attention can now be turned to next week’s spill. “Malcolm Turnbull dragged this spill out way too long,” a

Turnbull doubles down to celebrate KFC’s Double Down burger

Celebrating KFC’s bunless burger, the Double, Malcolm Turnbull has frotned the media to declare he is doubling down on his leadership. “Like the KFC Double, I’m no nonsense. You are going to have to physically drag me out of here [the Prime Minister’s office]” Mr Turnbull told his detractors via

Boxing ring erected in Liberal Party meeting room

Following the recent Liberal Party leadership spill, which coincidentally coincided with record knife sales in Canberra, Peter Dutton has announced the erection of a boxing ring in the party room. “I’m not mucking around anymore,” Mr Dutton said in his challenge to Malcolm Turnbull. “Three minutes in the ring is

Mysterious knives appear on Parliament lawn

Baffling security experts and economists alike, a pile of assorted knives has appeared on the Parliament House lawn. The strange emergence of the utensils follows the announcement of Canberra’s knife shops closing after record sales. Coincidentally, a Liberal Party leadership spill was announced this morning, with Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull

“Too hard”: BM Gazette ignores Husar drama

Proving to be a difficult topic for the Blue Mountains’ favourite parody news site to cover, the Blue Mountains Gazette has decided to completely avoid covering the drama surrounding Labor MP Emma Husar. The federal member for Lindsay has come under fire recently for several alleged transgressions, such as sexually

BREAKING: Coles reveals hidden cameras after free plastic bag prank

Angry environmentalists returned to Coles this morning, begrudgingly accepting free plastic bags at the checkout like every other morning since yesterday. Plastic bags had been banned for one month, and customers have been vocal in their opposition. Entire industries had been crippled by the decision. Plastic bags have now been