Nine takes over parody news company

A merger of two media giants was announced this week, with Nine deciding to enter the satire news market by acquiring Fairfax.

“We are pleased to announce that Nine will now serve both regular news and fake news,” a spokesman for Nine said in a statement. “Fairfax has produced strong results with their satire news sites, notably the Sydney Morning Herald. Nine is excited to continue delivering high-calibre parody news to keep the Fairfax legacy alive.”

In response to the announcement, Fairfax reporters took to Twitter to express their outrage and show they will remain in character as outrageous left-wing media elites. Channel Nine bosses have praised their commitment to the satire news industry. “I’m so proud that through these difficult times, Fairfax reports are still pretending they’re spoilt children,” a director at Nine told the Babble. “It just shows how committed they are to keeping up appearances. It won’t make sacking them any harder, but at least I can get a bit of a giggle before I terminate their contracts.”

The announcement has also affected the media landscape outside of Sydney. The Blue Mountains Gazette, a parody news site owned by Fairfax, will now be controlled by the organisation that delivers Ray Hadley rants to the masses.

“Christmas parties are going to get awkward,” a reporter at the Gazette said under condition of anonymity. “We’ve been backing Blue Mountains council [in relation to asbestos management] and Ray has been single-handedly ripping it to shreds. If he gets us for Secret Santa, I bet he’ll give us a dust mask.”

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